GUEST BLOG BY Alina Sanchez, Senior Project Manager

My mentorship journey started off as a college job. I was part of a small staff at a non-profit that had just gotten started. I was placed at a middle school in South Sacramento. I had received general training and instructions on “how to be a mentor.” I quickly learned this was not enough.

After about a month on the job, I began to really question myself and my ability to mentor these students. What did it mean to be a mentor? Was I good enough to be a mentor? How was I supposed to mentor middle school boys? After a really bad day at work, I was ready to throw in the towel. This was not meant for me, and I was not meant to be here. I didn’t know what I was doing or how to be helpful to these students.  

My boss gave me a piece of advice that forever changed how I approach mentorship: “Show them kindness. Build relationships.” It might sound silly. Of course, you should be kind to everyone and isn’t being their mentor a relationship enough? After almost seven years of being a mentor professionally and 10 years personally mentoring young people, here’s what I’ve learned:

Your mentee will define the relationship. Mentorship is not about you; it is about the mentee. They will control most of this relationship. As an adult, it was hard for me to “relinquish” control, but the more autonomy you give them, the more trust is earned. Let them tell you what they need and want from you. Be supportive and really listen to them. Offer guidance, but don’t make decisions for them.

Being a mentor does not mean you will change their life in a grand, amazing way. I thought when I became a mentor I was going to save lives. I was going to go down in history as the best mentor in the world. I would have an army of the most intelligent world changing mentees the world has ever seen! In reality, I provided food, new clothes, rides to job interviews, conversations, memories, and guidance — and that was enough. We are not here to “save” these young people. We are here to uplift them. We are here to support them and their decisions. For many, this is life changing in itself. It certainly changed my life.

The best conversations happen in the car. I’m not quite sure what it is about a car ride, but it has this beautifully weird way of getting young people to open up. Maybe it’s because you’re not looking directly at them? Maybe it’s because they’re trapped in the car with you for the next few minutes? Either way, I’ve had students share their most vulnerable truths with me during those short car rides. It is a great time to ask questions and really learn who they are as people.

Every mentee needs something different. How cliché right? Of course, everyone needs something different. Sometimes, as a mentor— especially if you have a lot of mentees, it can be really easy to group them together. Although they may have a lot in common with each other, they are not the same people. They have different needs and priorities. Take the time to really listen. Don’t just give them what you think they need.

Being a mentor is one of the most important roles a person can have. I am grateful to each of my mentees for teaching me something new and opening my eyes to a new perspective. I hope that they were able to take something from me that helped push them forward in their own journeys. If you find yourself struggling to be a mentor, just remember: be kind, build relationships, and just be yourself.

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